


Sleepless nights (and days)

by Dopt



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Huddling For Warmth, Kissing, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28387707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dopt/pseuds/Dopt
Summary: For the RC Secret Santa exchange with 19RosesofLifeandDeath98's prompt: sleep-deprivedFour times Jyn and Cassian didn't sleep and one time they did (with a bonus of seasonal cuddling)
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29
Collections: The RebelCaptain Network Secret Santa Exchange





	Sleepless nights (and days)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [19RosesofLifeandDeath98](https://archiveofourown.org/users/19RosesofLifeandDeath98/gifts).



  1. Jyn H+37




The constant humming of the machinery should lull her to sleep but the adrenalin is still high in her veins and even if her body is tired and half broken, she can’t relax. Her mind is blissfully blank, unable to think or even to comprehend anything beyond the exhaustion she could feel in her bones but even if she closes her eyes, she knows she won’t sleep.

Not now. Not with Bodhi in surgery, Chirrut in a bacta tank and Cassian lying beside her in that too small cot and only breathing thanks to a heavy mechanical bellows. The beam hit him hard and his lungs, already damaged by his broken ribs were burnt badly. The medics didn’t say anything about his recovery so it must be really serious.

But right now, Jyn doesn’t think about it. Like she doesn’t think about the blood staining her trousers or the gore resting on her sleeves when she helped Bodhi up or all the people who died because of…

No, she just waits. And forces herself to blink every once in a while, when her eyes begin to sting too much. She’s probably hurt too. Her knee feels weird and she can’t really relax in her chair because her shoulders are stiff and there is a strange pickling sensation lower in her arm.

A med droid came earlier and began to say something, but she couldn’t remember. She grabs the cup by the bed and takes a sip. It’s luck-warm and sour, the texture heavy, sluggish, and she has to force herself to swallow it. The first gulp is the worst, after it seems to slide more easily.

She’s kind of hungry she realizes. It’s weird how her body is so slow, how her brain is lagging. She also feels drunk. She can’t remember the last time she ate anything. She takes another sip of her cup and finds it empty. She’s not sure whether she’s disappointed or not.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She counts to ten, to twenty. Then she blinks a few times. Nothing has changed. Cassian is still lying there, pale and bruised with a tube down his throat, with other smaller tubes under his ribs. She wants to do something; she needs to do something. But as soon as she tries to get up, her knees collapse under her weigh and she finds herself half sprawled on her chair.

Okay, maybe if she just reaches for his hand on the mattress, maybe, maybe… the humming seems lower now and Cassian’s fingers are as cold as she thought they’d be. It’s comforting. Not the cold but to hold his hand. And if she moves the chair just a bit forward, she can rest her elbow by his arm and rests her heavy head on her free hand.

Yes, holding his hand is nice. Her thumb runs back and forth over his knuckles in a soothing motion because she wants him to know she’s here. That she stays with him.

She blinks owlishly, too tired to keep her eyes open but it’s fine, she’s fine, she’s awake, she’s near Cassian. He’ll be fine. She’s here. Right here.

She falls asleep before her head hit the mattress.

  1. Cassian H+43




Jyn and him were separated during the evacuation because of course, she was outside when the Empire attacked, but Kay assured him she left the base right behind them. He had time to check while Cassian was busy flying out of the Star Destroyer range of action. So now, he just has to wait. He knows how it works. All transports can’t go together at the time, they have to use evasive manoeuvres, to stop somewhere, to take roundabout route before they can regroup, but it’s been hours now and most of the ships have already docked.

Bodhi has been the first to arrive to their rendezvous point, even before him, and he was frantic, but seeing Kay and Cassian help him calm down. Then he was swept away with Luke and Tonc and Cassian stayed them for a while, but he’s still too high on the adrenaline rush to stay idle. It didn’t feel right.

Now, it feels a bit stupid. It’s not like he can really do anything for her. He knows she’s safe. As safe as she can in a shuttle lost in Imperial space, but at least, she’s not alone. She’s got Rues with her, and Kes, and a whole bunch of Pathfinders. She’ll be fine. He knows it. She has to be.

Still, he’s pacing back and forth the hangar, worrying about anything and everything. He nearly trips on a loose wired abandoned on the dirty floor but recovers after just a little flailing. He gets a few chuckles around him and turning around, he bows to the two mechanics who saw him, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly.

He knows better than to not watch his step in here and yet, his brain refuses to cooperate. When he reaches the far end wall, he stops and leans his forehead on it. Taking a deep, he tries to think. He can’t remember the last thing he told her. It must have been some mundane thing, like ‘good luck’ or ‘have fun’, because of course, he didn’t know it was the last time he’d see her for hells know how long.

And what if he didn’t see her again? Not never, but maybe he’ll have to leave before she arrives and he wants to, needs to… it shouldn’t be like that. He sighs.

He should find a quartermaster and asks for a room, but his feet refuse to budge. When did it become like this? He’s still facing the wall when Kay finds him. He’s so tired he didn’t even hear him approach over the rustling noise all around.

“There’s two ships stranded in the Alabar sector,” the droid announces in his most posh tone, the one he uses when he shares something he thinks unworthy. “One of them had a leaking ion drive so the other stay behind to send help. They should be able to reach the rest of the fleet in a few hours. In the meantime, you should sleep, Cassian.”

He knows his friend is right, but he also knows that sleep isn’t an option. Kay must know it too because he then suggests, “You needs to drink, too, and maybe eat something that is not heavily processed food. A bowl of soup and a meat roll should do fine if you want to stay awake.”

Without waiting for his answer, Kay turns around and goes in the general direction of the mess hall. Cassian follows suit without really thinking about it.

He feels a bit better after a plate of spicy legumes and a bowl of leafy broth. He even grabs a cup of caf and a flat bread for when his eyes would become scratchy again, then he goes to his ship and tries to occupy his brain with the upkeep while Kay runs diagnostics outside.

There is some hustle each time a new shuttle arrives, but Cassian stays focus on his ship. Or at least, he tries to because he’s slow in everything he does. His movements are clumsy and gauche, his reflexes messy. But at least, as long as he’s busy, he doesn’t think of Jyn and how he didn’t wait for her. He hopes she knows it wasn’t on purpose.

It's nearly two hours later that Kay announces he has been called to the Data Centre, but he doesn’t leave before repeating his advice for Cassian to sleep.

“You’re a danger for yourself at keeping awake for this long and you may become a danger for this ship if you’re not in full capacity of what you’re doing.”

Cassian nods, because one again he knows his friend is right, but he can’t go to sleep just now. Kay waits for a reaction he clearly doesn’t give, then leaves with a hard stare that stands as a glare. Cassian smiles at his retiring back, finishes adjusting the panel in front of him and finally sits in the pilot chair. His caf is cold but he sips it anyway, just to push back the sleepiness. It doesn’t really work but for a time, his brain seems less slow.

He tickles with a screen in front of him and manages to get a channel where he can track the in and out of the other ships around. His shoulders relax a bit and his head falls heavily on the headrest as he chews lazily on his bread.

The cockpit is blissfully silent, and his tired back is glad for the respite. His legs too. He closes his eyes because it’s harder and harder to keep them open. He puts an alert for when Jyn’s shuttle log in. He knows he won’t sleep before he sees it home but at least, he can rest a bit.

  1. Jyn + Cassian H+41




They left Lianna in the early hours of the night local time after a successful mission, took a public carrier to the closest moon then, after an uncomfortable trip to Galidraan, they managed to get a transport to the space station where their ship was hidden. And after that, finally, they made it to the Tilia base, in the middle of the day so after a short briefing, they are left with nothing to do but to acclimate. So, they try to keep awake to avoid completely wrecking their sleeping schedule, but it quickly becomes difficult.

They can’t do anything useful, they can’t work, they can’t read, they barely manage to keep their eyes open. Honestly, it’s ridiculous. But Jyn doesn’t want to be alone either so she stays with Cassian in the mess, nursing another cup of strong brew, bitter enough to give her a headache. Or maybe it’s just the lack of sleep.

She’s so tired she could cry. Cassian doesn’t look any better. His all face is blemish, his eyes red and unresponsive and she could swear he hasn’t moved a muscle for the last ten minutes. Maybe he just sleeps with his eyes open. He’s alive, breathing, but truly she’s not sure there’s more going on in his head.

She nudges his foot with her toes. It only takes her two strikes to actually make contact. Yes, she’s that uncoordinated but the day has been long. Still is. It’s stupid. They should find some quarters, a room, even just a blanket and get some eye shut somewhere but of course, being the stubborn creatures they are, they just wait.

Cassian blinks at her, slow and awkward, and she smiles because he’s kind of cute. His hair is a mess, his jacket is so rumpled it doesn’t fit right anymore but she can’t really say anything about it because she looks worse.

When she finishes her cup, she doesn’t bother to bring it back to the cleaning station. She just pushes it over and rests her forehead on her arm. For a blissful minute, her eyes close and she only feels of colours and warmth and then she wakes up with a start, Cassian’s fingers in her hair.

“You should go to sleep if you’re that tired.”

He’s not mocking her, but she’s still felt irritated. He won’t go to sleep until three more hours at best and being sleep deprived alone is so much worse than with someone. Just like being drunk. In a way, she feels kind of drunk. She’s uncoordinated, slow, her brain is fuzzy, and she can’t seem to focus on anything.

Before she knows it, she begins to chuckle awkwardly because, really, really, they should sleep. But they don’t move. They’re probably too tired to.

“Care to share the joke,” Cassian asks with a smile of his own and her cheeks warm.

“I don’t know,” she admits stupidly.

Cassian blinks at her, his lips stretching more and more as if he understands the joke she didn’t tell.

“You’re cute,” she says without thinking and she suddenly wishes it is all a dream because she shouldn’t say that aloud but at the same time, she likes the way Cassian’s cheeks redden. She also likes he doesn’t hide it. His smile softens and this time, it is his turn to nudge her foot playfully.

“You too.”

There’s a weird silent then, not really awkward or tense, just like an epiphany for both of them and they don’t know what to do with it.

Jyn suddenly wonders if it has always been there and she just hasn’t been looking. It took her a few weeks to acknowledge her feelings, but she never acted on it. Why? And if Cassian feels it, too, why didn’t he say anything? Probably same as her. He didn’t know what to do. And just like her, he doesn’t know what to do now.

At least, given their state of heavy tiredness, they can always pretend it never happens and don’t change anything on the status quo. But then Cassian gets up and grabs each of their cup to bring them to the washing station.

Jyn’s heart is heavy when she watches his back and she’s tempted to lie on the table once more, but Cassian turns and asks, “You’re coming?”

“Where?”

She’s slow and she barely pushes her chair out he’s in front of her, holding his hand out to help her.

“Let’s take a walk outside. We need it.”

He reaches for her hand, even if she manages to get up on her own and he doesn’t let go and maybe, maybe, he doesn’t want to keep their status quo.

The base is built under the rocky hills of the northern region of Tilia so it’s blissfully cool outside. The wind is soft, and it helps Jyn feeling refreshed. They hiked down for a bit then Cassian shows her a path that snakes between brambles and leads them to a small lake.

“We flew over there earlier, and it looked nice,” Cassian explains bashfully. He keeps his eyes straight ahead, as if he fears her reaction.

“You’re right, it’s nice.”

A perfect date place, her treacherous mind supplies without any prompt but fortunately, this time, her mouth stays shut. So long they were walking, she was fine but now they’ve stopped, the exhaustion comes back fierce.

So Jyn sits by the shore and puts her head on Cassian’s shoulder as soon as he’s down. She doesn’t want to think of the implication of her behaviour. It’s not the first time she does that, just like it’s not the first time they hold hand. And maybe, both actions together are a first, it’s doesn’t matter.

She’s tired and the sun is low, and Cassian lets go of her hand to wrap his arm around her and she stops thinking.

Shapes and colours blurs under her eyelids and she’s not sure what’s real anymore. Cassian’s fingers in her hair, his lips on brow, her lips on his jaw. She’s floating and everything is soft and warm and Cassian.

When she opens her eyes again, he’s smiling at her from above. She’s lying down and he’s right by her side, head propped on his arm. His other hand still holds hers.

“We should go back and get some sleep,” he suggests in a whisper.

She pulls on his hand to force him down and brushes her lips to his, “Or we could stay here and see what happens.”

They don’t move until it’s dark enough to see the stars.

  1. Cassian H+39




The wind picks up and the sky whitens. Cassian knows what's going to happen and he also know his speeder is not a recent model that has the capacity to respond quickly enough when it starts to snow. Plus, it doesn’t have a roof to protect him and he will be frozen in half an hour if the snow falls hard. And if the storm is really violent, he may be stuck without much equipment.

At first, when the snow swirls around in soft flakes, he thinks it's not that bad. The wind slows down, and the road is barely wet. He knows better but he’s hopeful. The trees around him aren’t the species he knows to live under heavy snow or stark cold. He’s in a temperate zone so it shouldn’t be so bad. His hands are hurting, his back too but he doesn’t register it that much. It’s more an echo of an ache than an ache itself.

He's tired too but just like the sensation in his joints, it’s dull. Here but not really. That should have alerted him, but he’s focused on the road ahead that more and more looks like a white expanse of nothing than a road. How did that happen?

He takes one of his hand off the handle and quickly, sends a com to warn the ship of his situation. He’s not sure it’ll be useful, but he has to try. He’s far away from the town now and even if his message is caught, it doesn’t say anything interesting.

The snow becomes heavier and heavier, his hood heavy with it and his trousers wetter than he is comfortable with. He’s relieved and happy when he gets a com back, telling him a ship is on its way to get him, because he’s now sure he won’t made it.

Maybe he isn’t paying attention enough, maybe he can’t be lucky all the time but when the shadow leaps from the side, his reflexes kick in a bit too late; he swivels too much and too quickly so the speeder overturns and Cassian goes flying.

He’s not sure how long he’s out but when he gathers his bearing, he’s drenched and very, very cold. And alone. Whatever it was that jumped beside him, it’s gone, probably not interested in hunting a scrawny human. Or maybe he imagined it.

The snow continues to fall all around so there’s no print, no track, nothing. The silence is eery and he can't stop shivering. His fingers are stiff under his wet gloves and he has to use his teeth to check for frostbit. Putting them back on is out of the question so he just pushes the gloves in one pocket and goes to find his speeder, blowing on his hands in a failed attempt to warm them.

He's lucky enough the engine isn’t broken but the wiring is a mess and with his too cold messy fingers, it takes him quite sometimes to be back on the move. And now, he’s wary to speed too much, there may be other things lurking around there, and he has to be careful. Neither he nor the speeder would do any good with another fly.

Time seems to slow down, and fatigue becomes heavy on his shoulders. Even if the storm turns into light snow, the temperature has dropped, and all his clothes are wet. His teeth keep chattering every time he unclenches his jaws and he shivers so much he sometimes zigzags as the handle follows his jerky motions.

As soon as he hears the ion engine overhead, he stops. He’s freezing but at least, he’s safe. Jyn and Kay find him quickly, and they both help him to the ship because he can't walk by himself. It’s a good surprise to see them but he can’t say a word with all his shivering and chattering lips. Kay manages to secure the speeder in the cargo hold as Jyn sees him out f his clothes. She tells him about Bodhi in the cockpit, about their decision to come for him instead of making him take a anonymous ship home, everything to distract him, or her, from the fact that he’s half naked in the middle of the galley with a cup a something too hot for his freezing fingers that he drinks anyway, and soon, Jyn is removing her clothes too.

“You’d better not starting to fornicate in here,” warns Kay from his place in the co-pilot seat and Bodhi beside here snickers as he flies them out.

“We won’t, Kay,” Jyn groals, “Cassian’s half frozen and if you knew as much as you pretend on human basic functions, you’ll know he can’t do anything in this state.”

She’s very obviously avoiding looking at him when she wraps a blanket around his shoulders and forces him to sit down. She still avoids his eyes as she straddles his thighs, and he curses his carelessness to make him this cold. He wishes he could enjoys being this close to her. He wishes he could just feel her. But all he feels is the burn of the cold over his wet underwears and the tiredness deep in his bones.

“You have to stay with me,” she mumbles on to his neck and he realizes a bit too late that he’s starting to fall asleep.

“Sorry.”

She hums and runs her hands up and down his arms over the blanket. Slowly, the shivering disappears, replaced by a wave of exhaustion he isn’t sure he’ll be able to fight.

“When was the last time you slept?” Jyn asks, fingers tracing his jaw, his ears and under his eyes and Cassian never wants for her to stop touching him as he rakes his brain for an answer.

“Probably yesterday.”

“You mean you slept last night or you’re awake since yesterday morning.”

Her tone doesn’t seem happy and his brow furrows as he says, “The second one.”

She takes a deep breath and swears something vile that makes him smile. Then, she begins to tell him about her last mission with Bodhi, how she secured a full shipment of winter clothes and lovely blankets, just like the one he currently has around him on top of the military supply they were supposed to acquire, thanks to Bodhi's pretty eyes and sinful haggling skills. She is somewhat laughing when she tells him about how their pilot can wangle the best goods out of their seller with just the right pout and Cassian forgets about the cold.

He's warm all over and now, he feels the softness of her skin under his fingers as he hugs her closer. But her voice lulls him and he’s slipping. He tries to stay awake, like he knows he should, but he’s tired and safe and his eyelids are heavy and then Jyn bites his neck and he… well, he’s not sure how to react.

“You need to stay awake a bit longer, Cassian,” Jyn chides gently. “You fell badly and you may have a concussion, so you need to stay awake.”

Somewhere he knows she’s right, but the lure of sleep is powerful. And Jyn must knows it because she bites at his neck again, and kisses it right away, open mouth and tongue all over the skin of his throat.

The idea of sleep isn’t so appealing anymore and as long as he's kissing her, he doesn't mind staying awake a bit longer. Jyn seems to like that idea too.

  1. Jyn + Cassian H-5




Jyn stirs slowly but keeps her eyes closed. She’s just warm enough to enjoy the sheet resting lightly on her lower back and doesn't need to pull it back on. She’s not sure what time it is but she’s sure she doesn’t care. She could feel Cassian’s fingers still close to her own and her lips stretch into a smile.

His arm is the best pillow she could hope for and she really likes how he kept her along his body all night. His breathing is light enough for him to be asleep, but she knows he’ll wake up as soon as she moves. So, she just rests and enjoys their closeness. He really needs to rest and it's not like she has to go anywhere. They should always sleep like that from now on. And maybe her being there would help Cassian spending some more time in bed, even if they don't sleep all the time...


End file.
